A Troubled University Student Facing The Real World

I stretched

I drank

I had changed my brain chemistry

And I received judgment from someone that mattered to me

.

. . . . then I carried out my punishment

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What is going on in there?

What has been going on in there?

This is out of character. Why so hasty? Why so vehement?

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What were you trying to say?

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Or did all those factors just confuse you too much?

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Did you do it to spite her?

Or just to react?

—- Okay; so you’ll stay sober for a couple weeks, you’ll let your mind’s chemistry get regulated, you’ll get back on your scholastic track, and you will be fine —- but what were you trying to do?

.

You haven’t been dysphoric, you have never gone through a cycle so rapidly? You bounced back immediately, implying that this arm cutting wasn’t in anguish but was to communicate something that I haven’t been listening to; what am I trying to say to myself? What are you trying to say ian?

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How have I been overly reckless recently? What have I been neglecting so much that I respond to myself with such a strong statement!?

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Or is it just the switching of three different drug regiments within four weeks? – That was an incredibly stupid thing to do.

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I haven’t been feeling malicious, so I don’t think I was just trying to sabotage myself.

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I haven’t even been unhappy —- but I have been troubled recently —- frustrated —- uncertain of something —- what is it?

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Erica? —- that isn’t very serious though —- though I actually do like this one —- which is new for me —- but this wouldn’t be anything more than a minor character

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Is it this terrifying future that is piling toward me like that freight train that people talk about = next year —- a real life that I need to be suited for —- a real job with a complete set of responsibilities —- a need to be a real person whom is able —- able to be a prudent thinker – a responsible citizen – active in the community – moral in action – hopeful in thought and word – charming – thoughtful – easy going – desirable – both to women and to employers —- I have to find someone that would hire me, and then get them to actually hire me —- and this very real future is coming at me fast —- WILL I BE READY!!!??? HOW WILL I BE READY!!!??? I NEED TO READY MYSELF!!!! —- And that is where my stomach knots up into a ball the size of Madagascar, I start to perspire, I start breathing heavier, and I know I won’t be able to be that “ready” guy!!!! ——– I think I found the main character —- This spot light actor, supported by my cavalier-ity with brain chemistry, a couple drinks of alcohol, a slightly cavalier stretching of my life-schedule, and a poorly communicated conversation with someone that means something more to me than little.

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I am afraid of next year – I need to be ready for next year – As ready as I can be – I need to not neglect this paramount cog!

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Will I be ready? How will I be ready? What do I need to do to ready myself, and still live a life worth living now? —- Do this, and you will be at peace

Georgia-Russia and Machiavelli

Russia or Georgia, not quite sure, looking over the border to the other side.

It’s the Machiavellian Game: Georgia does need to veil their own governing idioti-cy; responding to Russian power games allows this. Russia knows this so Russia can push and prod Georgia by increasing military in the Russian-claimed independent states because Georgia will buy into this game for such reasons and Russia can flex their power muscle at these regions to gain regional political support and not piss off any other major political power in the world.

It has been argued that Russia does not want political control of Georgia or they would have swept in and taken it last year with military force: I find this a laughable argument. Had Russia done this they would have committed quite a political suicide move; NATO, the international court, the west in general would have responded with political might against Russia had this happened. And Russia cannot deal with that; right now they need to present themselves as powerful and influential to keep their political influence growing.

I have also read some complaints that the USA needs to step in and do something about this; militarily speaking. (1) this has little to do with the USA outside of NATO; (2) for a large part that would be a stupid political move; of course right-winged Americans would presumably thoroughly enjoy this; (3) I believe they had done enough last time by giving Georgia the go-ahead to attack and by rather immediately stepping up in the Baltic with a mass of Navy for a “routine military rotation” for “humanitarian aid.”

Words of Wisdom!

I find the foreseeable to be another conflict where fingers can again be pointed at both. Russia will probably receive more support, unless they do something stupid; for more political gain will perceivably be gained by supporting Russia than Georgia; though we shall see. Russia will respond with might because they need to look strong and in control, to spread their influence and gain more support from the “independent states”; Georgia will try to respond with might to veil their contemporary, teetering government and to attempt to gain support of the people and perhaps other governments by fighting for a united Georgia and “protecting” Georgians from Russian control. NATO may step in, especially if the conflict lasts long enough. Following the conflict the Russian-claimed independent states will still not be declared as independent by most anyone else. And people will die being used as political pawns in the Machiavellian game of politics!

<http://www.topix.com/us/2009/06/chances-rising-for-fresh-georgia-russia-war>

<http://www.azernews.az/site/shownews.php?news_id=12993>

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_South_Ossetia_war>

<http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/16/AR2008081600502_pf.html>

<http://www.hrw.org/sites/default/files/reports/wr2009_web.pdf>

<http://www.mdb.cast.ru/mdb/3-2008/item3/article1/>

<http://www.isdp.eu/files/publications/pp/08/0808Georgia-PP2.pdf>

<http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/07/world/europe/07georgia.html?_r=1>

personal identifying

Doch dieser Schwelle Zauber zu zerspalten

Bedarf ich eines Rattenzahns.

Noch eiaen Biss, so ist’s geschehn!

[But to break through the magic of this threshold

I need a rat's tooth. (He conjures up a rat.)

Another bite, and it is done!]

Er sieht in der geschwollen Ratte

Sein ganz naturlich Ebenbild.

[For in the bloated rat he sees

A living likness of himself]

- Respectively – Goethe, Faust, Part I; Faust, Part I., Scene in Auerbach’s Cellar -